Afraid to show your true face to your partner?

So many of us (me included) have been or are in relationships where we’re afraid to tell our partners what we really feel or want to do. Isn’t this amazing to contemplate? That we’re actually in relationships where we’re afraid to show our true face to the one person who we believe we love and who supposedly loves us? I have come to learn that there are many reasons why this happens  – lack of self worth, an insecure childhood where we never felt safe and appreciated for who we really are, not understanding that we have a right to be who we are, fear of abandonment, etc. But whatever the reason when pleasing someone else means giving up (or compromising) our integrity, it’s bound to hurt. And unfortunately… or should I say fortunately… in the long run, it never works.

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April 2013 - Paravisie

Caroline, can you first of all please explain the need for a 'New Paradigm' in entertainment and education. What is lacking and why is that a problem?

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Minding someone else’s business is a surefire way to screw up any relationship – regardless of whether it’s with your mate, your child, your parent or your friend. When you mind someone else’s business – and by that I mean when you think you know what’s best for someone else – all it does is piss other people off. Big time! And when you think about it, minding someone else’s business really is insulting because it’s like saying that the other person doesn’t have a mind of their own or that he or she doesn’t have enough intelligence to take care of themselves. So yes, thinking we know what’s best for someone else, is really insulting. I know I don’t want other people to treat me like that, so why would I treat other people like that? Now that I understand the mechanism, I can see how unhealthy this behavior is, especially if we want to cultivate good, warm relationships with other people. Unfortunately, a lot of us are unconsciously minding other people’s business—instead of just minding our own business (mainly because we’re not aware of what we’re doing). If you’re like this, I’m not suggesting that you shame and blame yourself. What I do suggest is that you begin watching yourself – and if you discover that you’re minding someone else’s business, you immediately adjust your behavior and pull back. For most of us, awareness of this issue is the key because we’re often unconscious of what we’re doing. But with awareness, we can notice this inappropriate behavior and change it and then our relationships with the other people in our lives will be so much better!

Most of us are longing to experience the gaze of someone looking at us with unconditional love. We want to experience love which says: “I love you just the way you are. I’m so glad you’re here.” That’s the dream. Unfortunately so many of us go wrong when we believe that only one other person – a partner – can regard us with unconditional love. And yes, sometimes, when things go well, we actually do experience our partner gazing at us with unconditional love. But the reality is that no one can give us this kind of positive regard all the time – mainly because it’s not their job. So having this unrealistic expectation to our partners really makes life difficult for us and puts so much stress on our relationships. (Not to mention how we suffocate each other when we have this idea.) But when we “get real” about the human condition, we can relax a little and then appreciate it when someone looks at us with love without expecting it to happen all the time. This is a big relief and also makes room for us to take better care of ourselves and work on giving ourselves the positive regard and unconditional love we are so desperately longing for.  And it also helps us allow ourselves to receive this love from other sources, like our dog or cat or friends or children.

Solomon Speaks on Reconnecting Your Life

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Isn’t it interesting that when we’re not being productive, we believe we’re just being lazy!  This is mostly because in our society we’ve connected our value or self-worth with how much we achieve or produce. When we believe this, we feel that just “sitting quietly, doing nothing” may be a waste of precious time. But is it true? When we realize that the very best thing we can do for ourselves and our fellow men and women is to raise our vibrational quality by aligning with Source (the love of God) then we understand that if “sitting quietly, doing nothing” is a form of appreciation for life and self-love, then it may very well be the very best thing we can do – not just for ourselves but for the whole planet. (According to David Hawkins, one person vibrating at the frequency of love counterbalances the negativity of 750,000 individuals who are vibrating at the lower frequencies of fear, anger, desire, pride, apathy, etc. See his books “Power versus Force” and “Truth versus Falesehood” for more.)

Here’s what I discovered by sitting quietly, doing nothing. It’s simply so lovely to just be here now with no one caring what I do or don’t do. Aaaahhh… Just sitting here, doing nothing – with no need to perform. No need to live up to anything. No need to do anything or achieve anything. It’s just me here now, breathing and relaxing. How amazingly simple! How amazingly nice! Feeling frazzled? I suggest you give doing nothing a try. It works wonders!

You can follow my blog at: www.intuitnow.blogspot.com

The moment anyone walks through the door to a therapist’s office or goes to a psychologist or attends a 12-step meeting is truly a transformative moment in any human being’s life. And it’s also probably one of the bravest things anyone can ever do. It takes an enormous amount of courage to ask for help. So please if you are considering asking for help, don’t underestimate the power of this act. And don’t underestimate what this does to the Universe. Because when you ask, your Higher Power is always listening – and I repeat – always listening! So even if this may be the most difficult thing you ever do – it’s probably also the most powerful thing. And the interesting thing is – when you ask, truly ask, you always receive! Always! So take courage and bring it all into the light! This is where the magic begins!

The radical truth is you and I can lead happy lives regardless of our situation. Because when we drop our ideas of how we think things “should” be, we find that happiness is our true nature, it’s who/what we are.  And yes, we may have been brought up to believe otherwise, to think that our happiness depends on our health, on outside circumstances, on our good looks, or on the amount of money we have in the bank, but it’s not true. We can live happy lives regardless of these things because happiness is our innermost nature. It has nothing to do with health, money or success. In fact, it has nothing to do with anything outside of us because we can only experience our own thinking. And only our thinking can interfere with the direct experience of the joy of existence. So what we’re usually doing is just experiencing our interpretation of what’s going on around us. And this plays out like this: If you think something is good, you’re happy and if you think something is not so good, well then you’re not so happy. But when we stop resisting what is and stop trying to make life different than it is, we find we’re always happy because then we’re finally experiencing the pure joy of just being here now!! Enjoy this moment!